PART TWO
Strength. A woman, over whose head broods a fifty-pound
dumbbell. She is Strength personified. This Arcanum
implies that you will soon fail to remove a fur ball from your
cat’s mouth. However, to understand the more profound
aspects of Strength, contact your Inner Teacher. If you
are under the care of a psychiatrist, in psychotherapy, or taking
Prozac, Ritalin, meth amphetamine, or similar medication, obtain
permission from your health care provider before attempting this.
Finally, despite the ravings of Waite and his Golden Dawn cohort,
the correct number of this Key was, is, and always will be eleven.
The Hanged Man. This card symbolizes supreme
selfless sacrifice, something which you know nothing about (unless
you are a Jewish mother). Some say, with some justification,
that it depicts, in part, the highly initiated adept, Soror Galina
Vishnevskobratsova, the first ballerina to throw Prudence to
the wind, and sacrifice the health of her toes by dancing on
point. Thus, these commentators call this Key Princess of the
Tortured Toes. They are correct—albeit on their dance
floor.
Death. If you are under eighty years old: Know that Death rarely means
literally death. If you are over eighty years old: Know
that Death rarely means literally death, on the other hand. . . .
If ill-dignified: The reports of your death have definitely
not been exaggerated.
Temperance. She is called the Good
Angel of the North, wears a scintillating emerald on her forehead,
and fears not the Evil Crone of the West. This card implies
that you will soon travel over the bridge of Iris where bluebirds
fly. On a baser level, it tells you that you will soon
meet a tall, dark bartender. If ill-dignified: He/she
will spill your drink. Interestingly, Temperance was the
soul card of both Judy Garland and Al Capone.
The Devil. “Come On Baby, Light My Fire!” is
truly the motto of this card. It also carries three secret
(until now) esoteric names: Mighty Lizard King, Lord of Great
Force, and Ruler of the Belfries. Contrary to the ravings
of deranged Neopagans he is not the Horned One, Pan, or
Lord of the Forest, who encourages you to explore your Goddess-given
sensual side. Don’t be fooled, Daughter/Son of Earth!
He is a disgusting, evil, fat, ugly demon—period.
This card implies that you are a crude, sex-starved animal which
constantly satisfies its base urges. If ill-dignified:
You are a crude, sex-starved animal which never has
the opportunity to satisfy its base urges. And that’s a
damned shame! Special note: Some say that the demons
chained to the Devil’s pedestal depict Waite and his Pixie.
We are inclined to agree.
The Tower. Occult explanations attached to this card are
meager and mostly disconcerting; therefore, We will make something
up. Here goes. In the lowest sense, this card intimates
that under no circumstances should you attempt to duplicate Ben
Franklin’s very famous and very stupid experiment.
However, in the highest sense this is one of the most revealing
cards of the corrected deck. If you steadfastly inspect
it with spiritual eyes, you will learn much about the grave perils
of using Waite’s uncorrected deck or relying solely
on his writings concerning Tarot. In fact, the crown pertains
to a certain virtue overthrown by Waite when assessing his fellow
Tarotists. Daughter/Son of Earth, know that pride goeth
before the fall.
The Star. It has been said truly that the motto of this
card is “Every Dog Is A Star”. We agree.
On other, more pretentious planes, false prophets have called
this hot babe the “Great Mother”. (She doesn’t
look like any mother which We’ve ever met.) But
I digress. Back to fortune-telling. If you are
a man: The Star implies that you will soon get it on with
a hot naked babe under huge blazing stars. If you are
woman: You will soon find yourself naked under huge blazing
stars where you will get it on with a hot stud. For
both genders: You will soon take LSD and ride waves of pure
bliss in the Sea of Binah where you just might meet the real
Great Mother. (Please make sure you have a return ticket.)
If you’re gay or lesbian: We encourage you to modify
the preceding and any similar divinatory meanings found in this
book to suit your fantasies, preferences, or orientations; the
corrected Tarot is a very inclusive Tarot. Besides, you’re
not going to tell Us that the Page of Cups is all man.
The Moon. The all-purifying brilliance of the full Moon
illuminates a cooked lobster while a stray dog and wolf serenade
Queen Luna in her naked splendor. Many commentators attribute
this Key to Pisces for some idiotic reason. Yet, verily
we remind you, Daughter/Son of Earth: the Moon is the Moon is
the Moon. Follow Our advice: life is complicated enough;
stick to correspondences which are simple and stupid. Of
greater import, an ancient Celtic commentary (the very same which
explicates the Celtic Cross) knowingly says with regard to this
Arcanum: “One small step for a lobster, one giant step for
lobster-kind.” Daughter/Son of Earth, contemplate
this truth: we are all the lobster. On a more mundane level,
this card implies that you will soon dine at Red Lobster (groan!)
or other tacky seafood restaurant. If ill-dignified:
In your next life you will again frequent Red Lobster—but
as a lobster. And, yes, the lobsters are cooked alive.
The Sun. “Look,
Ma, No Hands!” is truly the esoteric motto of this Arcanum.
Waite writes, that the child is “mounted on a white horse
and displaying a red standard.” (Yes, he really does
say this!) We conclude that he must have never spoken to
his printer; the horse is usually a dingy gray; and the banner,
a drab orange (yuck!). Naturally, We have made appropriate
corrections. On a more profound level, Daughter/Son of
Earth, be trusting as the babe shown here, and the Sun will come
out tomorrow. Be trusting as a babe and throw your sunglasses
away. Be trusting as a babe and sunbathe every day. Note
well: Ignore the preceding divinatory meanings if you live
within eighty degrees of the equator or under the ozone hole
over Antarctica.
Judgement. You will attend a concert in the twinkling of
an eye, one which will earn a standing ovation. Among high
initiates this card carries additional significance, but it is
fruitless to enter into it in an introductory work of this kind.
Yet, you would not be unwise to study the following formula long
taught by the Hidden Church, in which much of great value may
be discovered concerning the Grand Mysterium, Great Work, and
whether you will get that promotion at work: Dies irae, dies
illa, solvet saeclum ex favilla teste David cum Etteilla.
Initiates, musicologists, and Catholics baptized prior to Vatican
II know well of what We speak.
The World. You will soon win a baton-twirling contest.
Or, you will paint the town red and dance into the wee hours.
Or, you will soon experience the Beatific Vision. These
views cannot be harmonized. However, more importantly,
this card teaches that you are a steward of Mother Earth’s
resources; do not buy disposable diapers, Styrofoam cups,
or gas-guzzling sports utility vehicles under any circumstances.
If ill-dignified: The World ends tomorrow; do what thou
wilt. Interestingly, this was the soul card of Isadora
Duncan, who, like the figure here, had a passion for dancing
nude and, unfortunately, wearing long scarves.
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W. Revak. All rights reserved. Version 1.0 (4/9/00).
