Tarot Foolery
By James W. Revak

DIVINE FIFI’S FREE,
AUTHORITATIVE,
AND AUTHENTIC
TAROT READINGS®
The Only Readings Using
Her Deck and Sacred Stele
of Revelation®!
 If U Cn Red Ths U Cn Red Tro

OPEN LETTER FROM THE DIVINE
FIFI-HO-TEP-TRISMEGISTA
(Inventor of Tarot, Founder and Supreme Hierophant
of the Order of the Gold and Rosy Bone,
and CEO of Woof-Works Software)

  Order of the Gold and Rosy Bone
Woof-Works Software Division
Valley of the Dogs
Upper Kingdom, Egypt

My Beloved Children,

Welcome to the grand opening of Divine Fifi’s Free, Authoritative, and Authentic Tarot Readings®, which offers the only honest, dependable readings on the Web! 

You can stake your life on them because they are utterly authoritative.  And We, the Divine Fifi, know because We invented Tarot millenia ago in Ancient Egypt and personally supervised, scrutinized, and tested every aspect of this Website.  No other reader or site can claim this! 

AUTHENTICITY GUARANTEED!

Our readings are energetically authentic because you pick your cards, not by shuffling (which is strictly for the uninitiated), but by activating Our Sacred Stele of Revelation® with your magic wand.  We and our highly initiated software engineers have thoroughly tested the Stele for the past nine centuries.  Furthermore, the software runs on Our unique patented Psycho-Server®, which We recharge daily with potent Akashic Fluid. 

Our readings are mathematically authentic because the engineering and programming of Our Sacred Stele of Revelation® are squarely founded upon the Theory of Relativity and Pythagorean Harmonics.  Furthermore, We painstakingly tune the Stele every day so that it resonates at specifically selected high frequencies heard only by Us and other highly initiated French poodles.

Our readings are experientially authentic because We use Our Tarot of the King of Cups in Tatters®, which comprises a correction of the popular deck designed by A. E. Waite.  We also use our commentary on this deck, which includes numerous corrections to Waite’s The Pictorial Key to the Tarot.  An attractive, easy-to-use interface, which any dummy can immediately understand, completes the experience.

Furthermore, We guarantee Our readings.  If for any reason you feel a reading is unauthentic or are unhappy with it in any way, We will give you double your money back – no questions asked.

ALL SCHOLARSHIPS ALL THE TIME!

Please do not confuse Our site with others.  Ours is the only one which is authorized by Us, the inventor of Tarot, and uses Our Sacred Stele of Revelation® and Tarot of the King of Cups in Tatters®.  Unlike many sites, We never require registration or ask for your e-mail.  Also, Our site has no free trials because it is always free.  Our motto is: All Scholarships All the Time!

My children, We have heard your cries for authoritative, authentic, no-nonsense Tarot readings on the Web!  Your quest ends now.  If you have found your way here you clearly hunger for the true wisdom of Tarot.  Now, thanks to Us, you can feed on it whenever you want.

Love & Light,

Fifi-Ho-Tep-Trismegista
Founder and Supreme Hierophant of the O:.G:.R:.B:.
CEO of Woof-Works Software
                                                                                                          		             

E N T E R

Illustrations (top to bottom): The Seven of Clubs from the Divine Fifi’s The Tarot of the King of Cups in Tatters®, portrait of the Divine Fifi (detail from Her Sacred Stele of Revelation®), and the seal of the Order of the Gold and Rosy Bone.

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Copyright © 2001 James W. Revak.  All rights reserved.  Version 1.0 (2/18/00).